Introducing: Train Track RPG!

If you're a nerd in good standing, you've heard of a table-top role playing game. Today, we present to you: a Train Track Role Playing Game!

Join our characters Madeline Graymoor and Samuel Trainrider as they explore the mysterious town of Ironhide, a half-dusty, half-damp town on the railway inside the train which has been slowly losing its banjos and record players.

*To clarify, there is a massive train with many cars each of which vary in size and enormity, and this car on the train is called Ironhide which is also the name of a town with its own railyard

In our first episode, our heroes eat some beans, learn about the punk band Fall-in Man, and break down a door (twice!) There's also a train within a train!

SEGMENT 1

Ben
Good evening, listeners. You are tuned in to 91 .5 FM WUML Lowell. This is Off the Rails on the Airwaves, and we are back to bring you another exciting week of radio. And I have something very special to announce. We are doing something new tonight. That's right. We are coming to you live from very recently because this is so complicated that we didn't think we could do it live. And frankly, I think we absolutely nailed it. We did such a great job.

Kyle
I can't do this live.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
We are so excited. And I'm just going to set the scene for your ears here. And Kyle's going to take it away.

THE DRIVER
So our story starts in a dusty room. So it's both a dusty room. With, you know, sort of like wooden walls, wooden table, a lot of DIY, put together furniture, some rugs. It's odd because the room is very dusty and yet one side of the room is decidingly sobbing wet. There's like a carpet that's like half stained, covered in water. There's like a bookshelf that has gotten water all over and half the books are ruined. And there's a big hole in the wall. It's sort of like a panel -sized hole, you know, square hole in the wall that's been taken out. There's very clearly what looks like a large metal pipe in the wall. Everything within this hole in the wall looks very industrial and metal, and it stands in really stark contrast to the sort of like DIY old -timey room that it's in. There's no windows in the room. But it's like well put together, just really old and dusty, except for like the one flooded part of the room. There's no like obvious gushing water. All the pipes look totally fine. And there are two people standing around, you know, standing in the water, looking at this panel. One of them is Scarlet Rags. Scarlet is, she's got red hair. obviously, right? She's roughly 27 years old. She's got sort of like overalls on and like these big leather boots. And she has like the kind of cloth you would have for like a dining table. Like it's like a shirt made out of dining table cloth material with like this, this like diner pattern on it. She's got like a little, dry stock of grain stuck in her teeth while she talks. And she's talking to one Samuel Trainrider. Samuel, do you want to describe your character and what he looks like?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Samuel Trainrider is a lanky young adult to be maybe just pushing 20 years old. is dressed in clothing that is clearly repurposed train uniforms with the insignias and badges removed. He has kind of what you could describe as ruffian hair, sort of sticks out all over the place. It's dark, and his skin is sort of grimy, as if he... only washes in train bathrooms and he is sort of hunched but also looks very comfortable as if he is used to enclosed spaces and he has when you look at his face and you see see him talking you you sort of get the sense that he's very confident in himself And you can tell that immediately just by looking. You get a sense that he thinks he's the shit and he's okay with everyone knowing it.

THE DRIVER
Right. So Scarlet and Samuel are talking and Scarlet says, boy, howdy. Oh man, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come by. That pipe was leaking all over the place. I don't know what I'm going to do to clean it up. I have this water everywhere. But thank you so much for stopping by.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Well, yeah, you're welcome. I'm good at fixing stuff. I don't know what else to say.

THE DRIVER
Now if you could just fix that old sheriff they sent in. That man, I was at home by myself with my dog. Thistle, come in here. A small, like, young Rottweiler comes trotting into the room. Me and Thistle here, we were just sitting down. Work was over. I sat down on the couch. I put on my record. I put it on the record player. I started playing my tunes. And next thing I know, old Rob Fortin comes busting in the door, grabs my record player, throws it at the wall, says music's not allowed in Ironhide. Music's all Ironhide's done, right? He throws it, breaks the wall open, water starts gushing everywhere. He walks out, but he's not going to help. So, yeah. Thank you for fixing the pot. Now I just hope someone fixed his bad attitude.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that, Scarlett. If I could just recap your story briefly. You, Scarlett Rags, were listening to music with your dog, Thistle. I love Thistle.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
love Thistle.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
The naughty sheriff, Rob Ford, came in and didn't let you... Rob Ford? Thornton.

THE DRIVER
let you... Rob Ford?

THE DRIVER
Fortin with an F.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
F. Fortin. Rob Fortin came in and stopped you from listening to your music?

THE DRIVER
It was crazy. I don't know what his deal is.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
don't know what his deal is. I cannot believe that you had to experience something like that. And I'm so sorry on your behalf. It's getting worse. I just want to offer you some comfort.

THE DRIVER
getting worse.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
just want to offer you some comfort. I'm just going to sort of very slowly like inch forward and like hug.

THE DRIVER
She takes a half step back.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
takes a half step

THE DRIVER
Okay. She doesn't notice what you're doing.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Okay. She

THE DRIVER
doesn't notice what you're doing. She's not trying to get away from your advance. She's just feeling very worked up. And so she takes a half step back to compose herself. And she's like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all excited and vent to you. Ever since the second sheriff came. we've been a town with two sheriffs it's been it's been too much it's crazier every day every week that goes by the two sheriffs it's untenable i don't know what the town's gonna do wow scarlet this sounds really terrible i think that someone might have to do something about this and i really hope yeah i hope that it works out for you so you just came in from from out of town yes if you can

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
scarlet this sounds really terrible i think that someone might have to do something about this and

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
hope yeah i hope that it works out for you so

THE DRIVER
you just came in from from out of town yes

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
if you can call it out of town i believe that we all live on a train together i mean i mean it from outside iron is what we call the sort of town we built in this right in this trailer well thank you so much for stopping by i'm glad you saw my bulletin post with the job well if you're looking for a place to stay thistle sleeps in the guest bed so i can't offer you anything but but if you want to head down to the saloon i know they've got rooms on the upper floors

THE DRIVER
mean i mean it from outside iron is what we call the sort of town we built in this right in this trailer well thank you so much for stopping by i'm glad you saw my bulletin post with the job well

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
i mean it from outside iron is what we call

THE DRIVER
if you're looking for a place to stay thistle sleeps in the guest bed so i can't offer you anything but but if you want to head down to the saloon i know they've got rooms on the upper floors that you can rent out if you're looking i don't know if you're i don't know if you're planning on staying in town or heading off to the next thing but if you're looking for somewhere spend the night you can always go there wow well thank you scarlett so much i like i said i'm really happy that i could help you fix this problem of the leaky pipe and uh you know i am just passing through but it's nice to meet lovely folks like yourself on the journeys and i wish you a good day i think i'll i'll go visit the saloon next perhaps thank you

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
well thank you scarlett so much i like i said i'm really happy that i could help you fix this problem of the leaky pipe and uh you know i am just passing through but it's nice to meet lovely folks like yourself on the journeys and i wish you a good day i think i'll i'll go visit the saloon next perhaps thank

THE DRIVER
you We cut now to the saloon. Inside the saloon, it's sort of like, you know, what you would expect from like an old timey saloon, right? It's got the like the double wooden doors that swing in and out when you walk in. Samuel's not there yet. He's making his way through town to get to get back. Probably going to be, you know, like a five, 10 minute walk from from Scarlet's house. The saloon is right on the main road. Inside, there's a bunch of people sitting around at tables having drinks, playing cards. There is a bartender who is sort of like bustling back and forth serving drinks. There's a back room with a kitchen. Every now and again, people bring out like cans of just beans in the can with the can lid. like still partially attached but open but but it's like warm like they've just heated they put the can of beans on an open flame and then brought it out so there's a bunch of those coming out from the kitchen are there's what sort of utensils are served with the cans of beans how do they eat them no you don't understand it's just the can of beans there's no like silverware or anything and then there are two people sitting together at a table in the corner there's one

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
there's what sort of utensils are served with the cans of beans how do they eat them

THE DRIVER
do they eat them no you don't understand it's just the can of beans there's no like silverware or anything and then there are two people sitting together at a table in the corner there's one Guy Thistle. Guy is, he's like late middle -aged. He's got calluses all over his hands. Sort of like, you know, like in the way that guitar or bass players might have calluses all over their hands. He's sort of grizzled, sort of sun -worn. His skin doesn't look great. Like he's never seen moisturizer. This looks like one of the driest men you've ever met. He's got like sort of like a dark brown cowboy hat. He's got like a vest, long sleeve shirts, denim pants and boots. And he's sitting across the table from Madeline Greenmore. Madeline, do you want to describe your character?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. So my character is age ambiguous. She's got fake blonde hair with brown roots and it might be covering up grays. We're not sure because she has a very good skincare routine. And she dresses pretty unattached in modern fashion,

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
pretty unattached in modern fashion, but in a way that is super chic. However, she really likes this one. long scarf that she has that her grandmother gave her years ago and it's got some nice stripes on it and it's just a wardrobe staple for her outfit doesn't matter the weather the scarf is there and it looks cool yeah and I think that's kind of her her vibe she's a little bit a little bit flighty but like fun to chat with and

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I think that's kind of her her vibe she's a little bit a little bit flighty but like fun to chat with and

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Once you get her talking about her passions, you can't get her to shut up. So that's her vibe.

THE DRIVER
Okay, cool. So Guy Thistle and Madeline Graymoor are sitting at this table together chatting and Guy says, okay, so tell me this again. You want me to tell you the history of the town?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. Yeah, I do.

THE DRIVER
And why am I going to do that?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
For my book. For my book. You know, I need to take notes about the history of the town. You seem like a guy who is so smart and knows everything about everyone and everything that happens in this town. I think that you're just so smart and you're definitely the person I want to talk to in this room. Well,

THE DRIVER
all right. Well, well, that's charming. So I guess I'll, I guess I'll listen. I don't know nothing about reading. Okay. But. I do know a lot about this town. So let me give you a little sneak peek.

THE DRIVER
So this town, this train car, was originally deserted. Just desert out here. Not a lot to go on. And then our founder, Doug Billabone, he came in,

THE DRIVER
in, saw all the potential, gathered a bunch of people and created the town. The town of Ironhide.

THE DRIVER
Doug... infamous banjo player that's why you see so many banjos in town that's why banjos yep banjos iron hide is known for its banjo playing and let me tell you something do you want to know why the banjos here don't sound like banjos anywhere else tell me because the air is so dry the air is so dry here it gives the banjos a tone you can't get in any other train car but you know there's trade -offs right Dry banjo. It's a little bit more fragile. But everyone's got them. Everyone loves their banjo. Everyone has, you know, favorite banjo accessories.

THE DRIVER
And, yeah, that's sort of how the town was born. They built the jail first. And they built the stockade second. And then they built the saloon. And then they figured everything else out along the way.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
So when did the banjos come into play? Was that before or after the saloon?

THE DRIVER
Not at State. The first thing that got Everett Bronx to town was a banjo. Doug Billetbone, he wandered into town playing the banjo. He wandered into the train car all alone in the desert. Just him, a can of beans, and his banjo, right? He started playing. And, you know, soon enough, you play enough banjo, you're going to get a lot of banjo players looking for a place to play banjo. Not a lot of people love just hearing the banjo all the time. So this town is really...

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. And these cans of beans, obviously this has continued to be tradition. Is it certain beans? Canned.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Canned beans. Got it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Interesting. But things are changing.

THE DRIVER
are changing. You might, I used to be banjos all over the place. I used to, you know, listen, when they hired me at the saloon to play music for all the guests. I told him I play two instruments. I play the banjo. I play the piano. And that's Sharon. Rob Fortin came into town. And suddenly he walks up to me. I'm there. I'm playing my banjo in the saloon. And this man. He walks up. He takes my banjo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
You're okay. You're okay.

THE DRIVER
And he takes my banjo from me. My prize banjo. I don't know where he put it. It's gone. He took the piano, covered the keys, locked it, locked the cover to the piano. I can't get the piano. And he tells me, he hands me a microphone. He says, your job now is to stand here and read news headlines to the patrons of the saloon all day. I'm not playing music. I can't even read the headlines with a melody. Now you tell me what the town of Ironhide is if it can't have banjos or piano.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Sounds like it's just a can of beans. It's just a bean town.

THE DRIVER
Bean town. Who wants that?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
No one. No one. Bean town's a really dumb name.

THE DRIVER
At this point, Samuel finally makes his way to the saloon. He walks through the door. Does anyone smell beans? Everyone in the entire saloon turns to look at Samuel,

THE DRIVER
look at Samuel, and they stare at him. and sort of just give him a glare. Oh.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yes. You probably do. And Samuel's gonna just find the nearest open chair and just, like, sit down and look at the floor.

THE DRIVER
A woman comes from around the bar, walks up to the table that you sat down at, and she says, uh she's like middle -aged she says is there something i can get you oh hi my name's samuel i'm just passing through yes i did fix the water leak if you i don't know if you've heard about me or if that's not really gotten around town yet but you fixed the leak where okay yeah yeah you know how half of the town is dusty and the other half of the town is wet well

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
hi my name's samuel i'm just passing through yes i did fix the water leak if you i don't know if you've heard about me or if that's not really gotten around town yet but you

THE DRIVER
fixed the leak where okay

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
the leak

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
you know how half of the town is dusty and the other half of the town is wet well It's about to be mighty dry around here.

THE DRIVER
Okay, well, can I get something to wet your whistle?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Oh, wow. I've never been asked that before. Yes, I would like to try your local cuisine, if I may. I've never been to Ironhide before. She interrupts you and turns around and screams in the back of the kitchen,

THE DRIVER
interrupts you and turns around and screams in the back of the kitchen, One more bean! And then walks away from your table. Oh, okay. Thank you. Madeline, you are still talking to Guy. Guy is glaring at Samuel.

THE DRIVER
Samuel.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, so the sheriff, the sheriff. I don't want to dwell on that too much. Do you think you will get your banjo back? Are they locked up somewhere? What's going on with this man?

THE DRIVER
Not if Sheriff Fortin has anything to say about it. I'll tell you, you know, we had a good sheriff. I liked the sheriff we had. And we still have him. Right. And then this Rob Fortin sheriff comes to town. Now we've got two sheriffs. You know, I don't know what the FCC was thinking. This guy, he's a joke. He can't. He's all about, oh, give me your banjo all the time. He's, you know, I've been allowed to sing or play the banjo. And I could talk about. rob fortin and his his anti -banjo crusade all night but but man i i liked it better when there was just one sheriff in town yeah did i if i overheard that guy over there it does one sheriff manage the wet side of town and the other one the dry side of town or is this town normally not wet no

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
you know, I've

THE DRIVER
town yeah

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
did i if i overheard that guy over there it does one sheriff manage the wet side of town and the other one the dry side of town or is this town normally not wet no

THE DRIVER
The water, I don't know what the hell's been going on with the water. We have not had a drop of water in this town for decades, right? All of a sudden, Rob Fortin shows up, and now things are getting wet. All of a sudden, what's that about? You tell me. I don't know.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
don't know.

THE DRIVER
I mean, we can ask him.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
mean, we can ask him. He clearly knows.

THE DRIVER
That what, that kid over there? Do you see him flirting with the waitress?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I... You know, I think she was flirting with him, if I'll be honest.

THE DRIVER
I don't know about that. He just grumbles. He grumbles to himself. For whatever reason, he does not seem to like Samuel.

THE DRIVER
I mean, you can go talk to him if you want. But, you know, all I know is I liked our original sheriff, Bob Thornton, better than this new sheriff, Rob Thornton. I hate the guy. I can hardly tell them apart except they walk into a room and one of them grabs my banjo. And the other one, this is how it all went down. I was playing my banjo. Bob Thornton's at the bar, old sheriff. Great guy. Loves music. He is the banjo player in a punk band. Fall In Man. Have you heard of them? No, no. Can you spell that? Fall In Man. Fall In, all one word, and then man.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
then man.

THE DRIVER
Got it. Got it. Okay.

THE DRIVER
Yeah. I can't spell it. I don't know how to read. So, no, but I'm playing banjo. Bob's at the bar. Rob Thornton kicks open the doors and he says, listen up, everyone. The FCC has assigned a new sheriff for the town. My name is Rob Thornton. And Bob Thornton at the bar turns around and says, what did you say? And he says, yeah, you heard me. new sheriff in town. And I'll tell you what, you better put that banjo away. And I said, what? And I started playing like a dueling banjo type daddy. And Bob Thornton says, well, I can't have that. You're under arrest. And then Rob Thornton says to Bob Thornton, no, you're under arrest. And then they just start shooting at each other. And there's bullets going everywhere. And then they both run and hide. And then for the last month, they just every couple times a week, they try to arrest each other. But neither one, they just shoot at each other, run away, and then nothing happens. So we've had these two sheriffs running around. One of them is trying to take all the banjos away. The other one, I don't even know what he's doing. I don't even know where he is. Half the time, they're hiding from each other. Half the time, they're in a gunfight.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Man, that's crazy. Sounds like it's a full revolution happening over here. Two conflicting powers. It's like they need to debate or something. Listen,

THE DRIVER
there's a lot of history in this town. I'll tell you what. You give me my banjo back. I might tell you a little bit more about what's going on. Or the history of the town.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. Yeah, I'll see what I can do. So the last time you saw it was with Rob Fortin?

THE DRIVER
Rob Fortin.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Got it. Got it. And where is he located again? The wet side or the dry side?

THE DRIVER
He's running all over town. He's causing a ruckus everywhere. I don't know where he is.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay. Okay. And what does he look like?

THE DRIVER
Do you know the original sheriff, Bob Thornton? Yeah. He looks a lot like him. Okay. Except he's got a red shirt on. Bob usually wears a blue shirt.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. Same sheriff's badge and everything? About the same?

THE DRIVER
Yeah, about the same. Okay. I haven't looked at her bed just too closely, but they've got it pinned on their chest.

THE DRIVER
So what does Madeline do at this point?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Madeline is a bit stumped because she wants to continue this conversation, but she seems to have reached a roadblock in that she needs to acquire a black market banjo.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
she's not really sure who to talk to because everyone's a local so it's like she found the one guy that would like maybe know but it seems like he doesn't know so now she might want to like i don't know she might want to talk to like the staff so maybe when the waitress comes back over with that can of beans she slides into the adjacent seat and starts seeing if the waitress can get anything besides beans for her.

THE DRIVER
Okay. So Madeline gets up, sees that the bartender is walking out of the kitchen with like a big tray, like a big tray, right? Like a serving tray you'd see at a restaurant, but it has one small tin can of beans with the lid still partially attached, steaming. She's walking out of the kitchen and walking to Samuel's table. As she starts to reach the table, Madeline also reaches Samuel's table and grabs the back of a chair and says, Madeline, what do you say to the waitress or the bartender?

THE DRIVER
the bartender?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I say, hey, can we get two of your local pints real quick? And then I turn to remind me of your name again. Sorry, sir.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Samuel Trainrider. Pleasure to meet you.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Nice to meet you, Samuel Trainrider. My name is Madeline Graymoor. I'm on a mission right now, and I'm wondering if you can help me out. As two, you know, local foreign travelers from whatever train car you originally reside, I'm trying to acquire a banjo. And this is not just any banjo. This is a very important banjo on my mission because... I'm trying to catalog this town's history. And this guy over there, he knows way more than he's telling me. But he's only going to speak more if I can get this banjo that was confiscated by one of the sheriffs. And I think this waitress probably knows what's up. She seems really smart. So if you can help me convince her, you know, I'll pay for this drink and then maybe buy you another can of beans or whatever you need.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Wow, Madeline. That's really nice to meet you, first of all. You seem like a wonderful person. I would love to help. Sure, yeah, absolutely. It would be my honor to assist you. Have you been in this town long?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I've been here a couple days. I found out that this saloon is the heart of the city. And so everything that happens, you find about it here.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Right, yes. Okay, that totally makes sense. Today myself, I've just been here long enough to actually fix the devastating water leak that was happening. I don't know if you noticed that half of the town is wet and the other half is dry.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
that half

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, yeah. Well, you're a fixer, so you can help fix my problem too.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. I'm your fixer. But Madeline, those two pints that you just ordered, they're not of more beans, right?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I mean, we'll see.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, and let's take a break there. We'll kick it back to some music, and we'll come back after the break and see what these two pints are full of.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
This is Off the Rails on the Airwaves.

SEGMENT 2

THE DRIVER
The bartender walks back out from the bar. She's got a big serving tray on her hand. And on it, there are these two beer steins. And they've got condensation on the outside of the glass. It looks like it's really cold. She gets to the table and she sets it down. And she hands both glasses to either of you guys. And you take a look. It's like a really dark.

THE DRIVER
you know like the glass is clear but whatever's in it is really dark and you sort of pick it up and it's just full of black beans just real like cold as as like a beer on tap but it's like a full pint of of just beans and it doesn't like flow really easy because like cold beans don't like they sort of stick together a little bit so it's not like it sort of pours from the glass like Not quite as bad as pudding, but like Metamucil if you let it sit too long.

THE DRIVER
She says, well, here you go, guys. Two of our finest pints.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Well, thank you. Thank you so much. And Samuel is just going to have a look. Yeah, wait one second.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
to have

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
wait one second. I have a question. So this town obviously is known for... the amazing banjo playing do you know where i can hear people play banjos like you know i was hear people play banjos yeah yeah you know normally i would have told you to come here i mean guy plays the meanest banjo you've ever heard in town but ever since that that that fcc sheriff came in i mean he's not been allowed to play banjo you can still find people here and there throughout town who are playing banjo but they're

THE DRIVER
people play banjos yeah yeah you know normally i would have told you to come here i mean guy plays the meanest banjo you've ever heard in town but ever since that that that fcc sheriff came in i mean he's not been allowed to play banjo you can still find people here and there throughout town who are playing banjo but they're Rob Fortin, he's wandering through town trying to shut people up all the time. I would say if you're looking to hear some banjo, there's a couple places around town that Rob Fortin hasn't gotten to yet. I'd say you could probably go to the rail yard. The rail yard has a lot of... A lot of, like, union workers, those boys like to sit down and play banjo at lunch while they have their union -mandated one -hour lunch. But Guy, it sounds like Guy was a really good banjo player.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Guy, it sounds like Guy was a really good banjo player. Like, is there, like, how do we get him to play again, you know?

THE DRIVER
You just gotta find his, he won't, let me tell you something about Guy that I know haven't worked with a man for years, is that he'll play one banjo and one banjo only. That's his banjo, Melissa. Melissa the banjo, his lifelong banjo, loves it, won't play any other banjo. So you just got to find Melissa. Yeah. I tried giving him other banjos to play. He won't play them.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
And Melissa, like, you know, where is she at? I mean, you seem like a knowledgeable woman.

THE DRIVER
mean, you seem like

SPEAKER_02
a knowledgeable

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
You have a lock on everything in town. Like, you see people come through all the time.

SPEAKER_02
have a lock

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Girl to girl, you know where things are.

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say use the... You're going to have to use a move here.

THE DRIVER
going to have to use a move here. A train move.

SPEAKER_02
A train

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
train move. I'm so excited. This is the first train move.

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say this is going to...

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
to...

THE DRIVER
Sorry, what was it? Which move do you want to use?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Oh, should I use... Assertion's not a move. That's just... Yeah,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, the stat. You might want to charm or grift.

THE DRIVER
You're a charm. Is that what you said? I mean... I feel like that's kind of what I gotta do,

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
feel like that's kind of what I gotta do, right? Okay. That would make the most sense, logically. You're very charming.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
You're very charming. You have a great scarf.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay. I have a great scarf.

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say that your scarf is in fact charming. So go ahead and roll 2d6 and then add your niceness to it and then add one. Let me know what you get. Okay.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay. Add my niceness to it.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I'm sorry. Okay. I only got a five. Oh no! Yeah.

THE DRIVER
no!

THE DRIVER
Okay, so the bartender says, you're asking me all these questions. I have so many people who need beans out here. I can't spend any more time with you. And she just walks away from the table. And she walks away grumbling. She's like, these out -of -towners think they can ask me all these questions. I've got 80 cans of beans, and I've got to warm up and serve the customers today. And she's just walking away.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Dang.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Wow. Yeah. What does Samuel do in this moment? That was terrible. Madeline, I'm so sorry that our server was so rude to you.

THE DRIVER
What does

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Can't believe that she did that.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
No, I mean, she's stressed. She's slinging beans all day, you know. It's a hard gig.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, but still, I don't think anyone deserves such rudeness, personally. And I'd like to offer you my help in getting to the bottom of this. I don't think you've been mistreated. And I want to make that right. Because, you know, we train passengers. We need to look out for each other when possible.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, I would really appreciate that. That would be really helpful. See, I knew you were a fixer.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
That's very kind of you. And I take a sip of my black beans.

THE DRIVER
the beans sit heavy in your stomach the so at this point you guys have learned you've learned a couple things right so you've got the scarlet rags house is where samuel started the saloon is where madeline started the the bartender mentioned a rail yard in town they're sort of like the main

THE DRIVER
at this point you guys have learned you've

THE DRIVER
learned a couple things right so you've got the

THE DRIVER
rags house is where samuel started the saloon is where madeline started the the bartender mentioned a rail yard in town they're sort of like the main

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
There's... Where the sheriffs are is unknown.

THE DRIVER
Where the sheriffs are is unknown. Within the saloon that you guys are in, there's other bar patrons. There's stairs up to the upper floors. There's the kitchen in back. There's the locked piano.

THE DRIVER
right so that's that's sort of like what you know about the place that you're in yeah okay so what what time of day is it currently in in iron hide i would say it's like it's like 11 p .m like the the saloon is probably gonna have a lunch rush in like a little bit 11 a .m it's in the morning

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
so what what time of day is it currently in in iron hide i

THE DRIVER
would say it's like it's like 11 p .m like the the saloon is probably gonna have a lunch rush in like a little bit 11

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
a .m it's in the morning

THE DRIVER
Ah, yes, yes. Sorry, that's what I meant. 11 a .m. Yeah,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
yes, yes. Sorry, that's what I meant. 11 a .m. Yeah, yeah. So we're really, we're having a cold pint of beans. It's kind of early in the day. We're really kicking things off here.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
It's caffeinated. Yeah.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Caffeinated black beans. Wow. Well, Madeline, it's still kind of early in the day. And frankly, I don't really have anywhere to be. I was going to try to get a room for the night here at the saloon. you know it's it's still the morning i've got plenty of time and would you like to maybe ask around some more to try to find find this banjo yeah i need to get out of here maybe we just like go for a walk you know catch some fresh dry rail car air you know yeah well i'm i'm very excited to see

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
i need to get out of here maybe we just like go for a walk you know catch some fresh dry rail car air you know yeah

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
well i'm i'm very excited to see how how the the other half of the car is is doing because i don't know if i mentioned this but they they had a bit of a leak issue and i sort of helped help them solve oh yeah of course i i said this i'm just gonna stop stop talking i'm i'm sorry where should we walk sounds like you want to go back there do you want to walk back there make sure it's holding up well you know i did meet this very nice person scarlet red had a good dog

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
like you want to go back there do you want to walk back there make sure it's holding up well

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
you know i did meet this very nice person scarlet red had a good dog maybe would know more about well great let's let's go see scarlet and i guess i'll lead us back to scarlet's house like you know awkwardly returning an hour later yeah right one person i know just unannounced okay so so you guys leave the saloon you leave your your your beans mostly untouched at the table and you guys forget to pay

THE DRIVER
right one person i know just unannounced okay so so you guys leave the saloon you leave your your your beans mostly untouched at the table and you guys forget to pay You walk out of a flue.

THE DRIVER
Can I just take my beans with a straw to go or whatever?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
take my beans with a straw to go or whatever?

THE DRIVER
Oh, yeah.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, so the bartender comes around and has styrofoam to go cups. Can I walk with a butt straw for my beans?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
for my beans?

THE DRIVER
You want a straw? Yeah. Yeah. And so she comes around and she grabs like, like literally like a piece of hay and puts it in your styrofoam to go cup of beans and like looks at you like weirdo and hands it to you. And you guys, you guys take your styrofoam to go mugs of beans and, and, and walk out of the saloon.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I guess we learned there's two things on the menu.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
What was that?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Well, there's straw and beans.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Wow. I mean, I've never seen anyone have beans like that. Have anyone eat beans like that. But cool.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
never seen

THE DRIVER
You guys walk down the main road. You take a turn onto a side street. It's also really dusty. It's just like a dirt road. And you walk back up to Scarlet Rags' house. And then, Samuel, do you knock at the door?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Scarlet Rags' house. I'm not going to knock at the door. I'm just going to give like a little hello. No one answers. If I look around, does it seem like she's home?

THE DRIVER
You do hear a dog barking inside.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I'll turn to Madeline. Hear that dog barking. That is Thistle, the dog.

SPEAKER_02
Aw, thistle.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, very nice dog. Sort of very dog -like.

THE DRIVER
Do you continue shouting or knocking on the door? I'll knock on the door.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I'll knock on the door. Okay.

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say give me a move for this.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
to say

THE DRIVER
me a move for this. I'll let you pick a move.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Okay. My move is going to be...

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I'm going to do... Is there an attack? I want to be really forceful. Yeah, a fight move. I'm going to say I'm going to really have at this door. Okay. I want to look strong and not weak.

THE DRIVER
I want

THE DRIVER
Okay, so you're going to really aggressively try to knock. Go ahead and do the roll 2d6 plus assertion. Okay.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
This is going to go super well. Well, I rolled a 12. Minus one is 11. Nice. I knock real loud, I hope.

THE DRIVER
You knock really loud, and you knock so hard that the door frame is not super sturdy.

THE DRIVER
knock so hard that the door frame is not super sturdy. This house is very much put together by hand. the like the frame where the door fits in like like the the knob right like actually connects like the the open and closing locking mechanism connects with the door it just like breaks the door frame so like the door is still on it changes but like where the deadbolt goes in it just like breaks the wood and the door starts to like swing open oh no i'm oh no inside

SPEAKER_02
connects with the

THE DRIVER
the door frame so like the door is still on it changes but like where the deadbolt goes in it just like breaks the wood and the door starts to like swing open oh no i'm oh no inside

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
no i'm

THE DRIVER
You can hear Thistle the dog, like, running towards the door and Scarlet Rags and, like, another voice. So Scarlet Rags is going, Thistle, Thistle, get back here. And she's, like, grabbing Thistle. She's, like, at the door, sort of, like, holding it open. And, like, as all this commotion is going on, you hear another voice going, like, I thought you said you were alone. But you, like, just make it out.

THE DRIVER
And Scarlet's at the door and she says, Samuel?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, hi. Hi, Scarlet. Hello. What are you doing here?

THE DRIVER
What are you

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
here? I'm so sorry to barge in here like this. I just, I didn't realize. that my muscles were so large i think i may have broken your door i i can only apologize you broke the door and dude am i gonna have to call us and who's this who are you hi ma 'am i'm madeline graymore it is so nice to meet you i've heard so much about you you are just like such a charmer samuel was telling me all about how he fixed your leak and i was thinking wow this girl like

THE DRIVER
you broke the door and dude am i gonna have to call us and who's this who are you hi

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
ma 'am i'm madeline graymore it is so nice to meet you i've heard so much about you you are just like such a charmer samuel was telling me all about how he fixed your leak and i was thinking wow this girl like She sounds so lovely. I'd love to see her and meet her. I'm traveling through town. I'm learning all about the history of this train car. And you seem to know a lot about things. And also, I was talking to a guy back at the saloon. And he got his banjo stolen. And, you know, I feel like you seem like you might also know something that... Could maybe help me out. Because, you know, Guy, he's such a sweet guy, you know, quite literally. And I'm just trying to help him out, you know. Get the saloon some music so the beans go down a little bit smoother. You feel?

THE DRIVER
Madeline, are you trying to use a move at this point?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I could use a move.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Uh -oh, I'm worried because I broke the door. I'm trying to grift.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
trying to grift.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, you're trying to grip. Go ahead and give me a roll and add assertion to it. And then subtract two from that roll because you're not proficient in grip.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay, I got an eight.

THE DRIVER
Okay, so you rolled an eight and then add assertion to it.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
No, I rolled a 10, actually. Added assertion, minus one is a nine. Okay.

THE DRIVER
Okay. Yeah.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
So... And then minus two, because you're not proficient in that skill. Is that right?

THE DRIVER
Okay, I'm going to... Yeah, so here we go. No, no, no. So we're good to go. So Scarlet says... Well, Matt is very sweet of you to say. You said you're collecting... You're trying to learn more about the town. What are you trying to learn about the town's history for?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
You know, it's part of my job. I am an archivist. I love learning about the different train cars. I've been trying to catalog them all for years now.

THE DRIVER
Do you have notes or something?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Oh, yeah, yeah. I have this book.

THE DRIVER
have this book. Can you show me proof that that's what you're doing, that you're an archivist? I mean, I need to see.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
something. Yeah. Let me, let me show you about this train car. This is, this is the, the ice train car, you know, back on like number 86 on this train about, I don't know if you've been there before, but this is all about the ice and how they got into the train car, how they're using their refrigeration, the history of like where the ice came from, how the people have lived and adapted to the ice. It's quite opposite from your train car since it's quite dry here. But see, every train car on this train has a different niche that it fills. And I'm trying to understand your train car. Initially, I thought it was quite simple, that it's just dry and things like that. But now it seems like the banjo is truly the backbone of this train car. Well,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
the car also used to be kind of wet, but I think we fixed that earlier.

SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we get it. You fix things, okay?

THE DRIVER
One more thing out of your mouth. You brought this very nice lady to come see me. And that's all well and good. I'm always happy to help a stranger. But you're on thin ice.

THE DRIVER
on thin ice. Pun intended. I'm sorry,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I'm sorry, ma 'am. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, I mean, the ice in the ice car is quite thick. But, like, go on. Yeah.

THE DRIVER
All right. Well, you folks better come in. You're just going to come on in. We'll sit down. We'll talk a little bit. What are you holding? What's in your hand? What is that? Is that a cup?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Oh, yeah. The beans. The beans.

THE DRIVER
I see. Okay. So you're really diving deep into the town. Gotcha. Okay. Give me those.

THE DRIVER
I want them. I'm hungry.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
It has straw in it. I don't know if you want straw in your beans.

THE DRIVER
Never mind. Just come in. And so you guys walk in. Back into Scarlet Rag's house, she tries to close the door, but it doesn't latch. It just sits loosely in the frame.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Can you go fix that real quick? You know, fixer?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yes, I would. Excuse me, you both. I'll catch up with you. I'm just going to stay behind and do a fix on the door.

THE DRIVER
As you guys come through the door, the door is like... in the living, like the door is attached to the living room. So the first room you walk into is the living room.

SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you can still chat.

THE DRIVER
Yeah,

SPEAKER_02
You gotta really fix that.

THE DRIVER
gotta really fix that. Right, where Samuel and Scarlet were at the start of the story, patching up the pipe in the wall. It's like the same room that you guys just walk into through the door. And you see that there's another person sitting in the living room in like an armchair. They've got like a black leather hat that's like torn. They've got an eye patch. They're like missing a tooth. They've got like just really scraggly, dark facial hair.

THE DRIVER
really scraggly, dark facial hair. Their like ear has like it's just cut. It's just got like a little hole in it or something.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
it or something. Are they wearing boots? Like big black boots?

THE DRIVER
black boots? dark black boots. They've got, like, a black shirt with, like, a black bandana tied around their neck. They've got a black vest on. They've got black gloves. They've got, like, a knife strapped to their calf. And then they've got, like, pistol holders on their... Yeah, like, black... Somehow black metal pistols, like, in black gun holders on their waist. And Scarlet says... everyone meet uh this is my friend chud chud manger uh and chud just grunts he's like yeah and scarlet scarlet says everyone make yourselves home sit down and you better get to fix my door and she like walks off into the kitchen and thistle is just sitting thistle the dog the rottweiler is like sitting in the room just glaring at chud manger like like growling a little bit

THE DRIVER
scarlet scarlet says everyone make yourselves home sit down and you better get to fix my door and she like walks off into the kitchen and thistle is just sitting thistle the dog the rottweiler is like sitting in the room just glaring at chud manger like like growling a little bit

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
a little bit wow i i would like to fcc what anyways continue samuel go on sorry i'm just gonna i'm gonna start fixing the door samuel unbuttons his repurposed train uniform shirt like three buttons down like to the navel and reaches inside of his shirt which is obvious he's not wearing anything underneath

SPEAKER_02
fcc what

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
continue samuel go on sorry

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
i'm just gonna i'm gonna start fixing the door samuel unbuttons his repurposed train uniform shirt like three buttons down like to the navel and reaches inside of his shirt which is obvious he's not wearing anything underneath He reaches in and pulls out a leather roll of tools, and he pulls them out, buttons his shirt back up, rolls out the tools like he's bowling, just like fring, and grabs the appropriate tools and starts repairing the latch of the door that he broke.

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say you need to use a move to do this. Absolutely.

THE DRIVER
I would suggest... So you have a move here that you can use, one of your special moves, but I'll let you pick any move you want to try to do this.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Oh. Oh, yes. I'm going to use my special talent at fixing things as a superstar move. And because of that, I'm going to have a plus one on this roll, I hope.

THE DRIVER
yeah so i'm gonna say that your character was like really they went to like a technical school right does that sound about right i didn't go to no school i learned the ropes on the train all right right yeah i spent my whole life on this train because of how much you've studied the conductor's handbook of on -board operations and carriageway how to occupy oneself or people just call it choo -choo

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
didn't go to no school i learned the ropes on the train all right right yeah i spent my whole life on this train because

THE DRIVER
yeah i spent my whole life on this train because of how much you've studied the conductor's handbook of on -board operations and carriageway how to occupy oneself or people just call it choo -choo because you've studied that so much you can pick pick a so i'm gonna say you're trying to fix something here and it's gonna be um uh which train point is it gonna be it's gonna be intuition um yeah intuition feels like a fixie kind of didn't go to school i just am good with stuff right

THE DRIVER
train point is it gonna be it's gonna be intuition

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
yeah intuition feels like a fixie kind of didn't go to school i just am good with stuff right

THE DRIVER
so go ahead and roll 2d6 and then add one plus your intuition all right so i rolled oh this is going to be good i rolled an eight and i have plus one intuition and plus one for my superstar fix it mr fix it ability so that would be 10 total 10 total okay yeah you you fix the door you have to look pretty closely to see that there was actually damage there to begin with

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
right so i rolled oh this is going to be good i rolled an eight and i have plus one intuition and plus one for my superstar fix it mr fix it ability so that would be 10 total 10

THE DRIVER
total okay yeah you you fix the door you have to look pretty closely to see that there was actually damage there to begin with otherwise it looks like totally totally fine while you're doing that a chud manger is staring at vicky just death glare staring and then scarlet rags is still sort of like busying herself in in the kitchen and this is going this is going on while you're trying to like while you're in the process of fixing the door so madeline is just

THE DRIVER
then scarlet rags is still sort of like busying herself in in the kitchen and this is going this is going on while you're trying to like while you're in the process of fixing the door so madeline is just is just sitting in the living room. Samuel sticks in the door and Chud Major staring at Vicky and Thistle the Rottweilers is sort of like growling lightly at Chud Major.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, so Chud, you live nearby or? Nope.

THE DRIVER
No, I live outside of town.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Like in the other train car or just on the edge of the train car?

THE DRIVER
I live far away from the main road. I live in this train car.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Nice, nice. Do you like it there? No.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, I mean, this part of town is really nice. You know what your problem is?

THE DRIVER
really nice. You know what your problem is? It's the same problem everyone in this town has. They're too silly. They're too goofy. They like to sing and dance all day long. But Chud Banger, the danger ranger, right? He's the only one that takes it seriously in this town. Okay? That's what your problem is.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Whoa. Okay, Chud. I, you know, I'm not even from here, man, if we're being honest. Like, but I will say the silly goofy of this train car does have its charm. But of course, with that does come balanced. And so. Clearly you understand the rules and how they must be followed. So I take it you don't really like music then?

THE DRIVER
You're one of Bob Thornton's people, aren't you? Coming to track me down again? Is that what's happening? Bob Thornton.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Can I get a spell out of that, please?

THE DRIVER
out of that, please? Banjo playing front man of the fallen man.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
out of that, please?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Oh, yeah, yeah. I, you know. I haven't met him yet. I ought to be honest, but I've heard about him.

THE DRIVER
Scarlet, I don't know who these people are, but I can't stand to be around them another minute.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I don't know who these people

THE DRIVER
can't stand to be around them another minute. I'm heading out. And on, he like stands up and starts walking toward the door. And he gets to the door and he pulls so hard on it. It breaks the frame again. And then he walks out and leaves. Scarlet comes back in from the kitchen. She's like signed to herself. She's like very obviously stressed. and and and and then she like looks at the door and then she looks back at samuel and she gets and she gets all of her like stress just gets channeled into anger and she's like i thought i told you to fix that door may i'm i i'm just gonna get right down to the the fixing excuse me and i'm just gonna fix the door again sheepishly in the same role yeah

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
i'm i i'm just gonna get right down to the the fixing excuse me and i'm just gonna fix the door again sheepishly in

THE DRIVER
the same role yeah

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
but she just keep asleep this time different slightly different yeah i'm gonna use my superstar move again because i'm really worried about messing this up um oh no i still rolled a three plus two for my skills that's a five total uh yeah so so yeah like like go to fix the door but it's been because it's been damaged twice now there's just not enough wood there

SPEAKER_02
she just keep asleep this time different slightly different yeah

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
i'm gonna use my superstar move again because i'm really worried about messing this up um oh no i still rolled a three plus two for my skills that's a five total uh

THE DRIVER
so so yeah like like go to fix the door but

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
yeah like like

THE DRIVER
it's been because it's been damaged twice now there's just not enough wood there You basically just try to put a piece of tape over it and then walk away and hope she doesn't notice, but it's very clearly still broken. And then you go and sit down on the couch next to Madeline. Scarlet Rags comes out from the kitchen. She's got cups, like cold glasses of actually beer.

SPEAKER_01
Not memes.

THE DRIVER
Not memes. Yeah, not memes this time. And Thistle runs up to you and he's like trying to get pets from both of you guys. Aw,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
nice doggie. Cute. I would, as I'm putting my tools away, I take out a book from also inside my shirt under which Samuel is wearing nothing. next to the tools and sort of I sort of kind of like bring it out and I look at Madeline I say Madeline it's so cool that you are writing a book I love books have you ever seen this book before and I'm gonna hand it to you and I'd like to I'd like to tell you about this book no no I haven't seen this before

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
no I haven't seen this before tell me about it it's quite big it is yeah it's it's it's big but it's like very tall and not very wide and very long yes it's it's a long it's a long book and it's printed on very very cheap paper but it's very long yeah it has a number of pages and it has on the front cover it has a picture of a train across the top and then

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
is yeah it's it's it's big but it's like very tall and not very wide and very long

SPEAKER_02
very wide and very long yes

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
it's it's a long it's a long book and it's printed on very very cheap paper but it's very long yeah it has a number of pages and it has on the front cover it has a picture of a train across the top and then running down along the side it it says c -h -o -o -c -h -o -o and as you look more closely you see that that's actually an acronym it's the conductor's handbook of onboard operations and carriageway how to occupy oneself and i just say madeline it's the it's it's the choo -choo

SPEAKER_01
it has a

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
-h -o -o -c -h -o -o and as you look more closely you see that that's actually an acronym it's the conductor's handbook of onboard operations and carriageway how to occupy oneself and

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
say madeline it's the it's it's the choo -choo I don't know if you've ever seen this book before, but some of us live our lives by this tome.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, I've seen it years ago. I've never seen someone of your age carried around. That's quite admirable. I feel like it's an old piece of literature at this point.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Some people think it's outdated, but I think that the original train riders really knew what they were doing. try to update it but i think it would be worse so i really feel like you know the the the founders of the train sort of they knew what they were doing when and and it it has maybe some flaws but i've never found one myself and it's it's never steered me wrong yeah so you think you got it right the first time then yeah i i really think so i really think so thank you thank you for understanding i'm sure your book is going to be just as good i can't wait to read it

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
you think you got it right the first time then yeah

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
i i really think so i really think so thank you thank you for understanding i'm sure your book is going to be just as good i can't wait to read it

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Thanks. Thanks. I really appreciate it. I hope so. If it has any effect on someone, you know, like the choo -choo has on you, that would just be a success in my book.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
It will. It will.

THE DRIVER
I am just so sorry about my friend Chud. I mean, the man. I heard him yelling at you guys. You guys are strangers to this town. I am so sorry that he did not extend hospitality.

THE DRIVER
So what was this about this book? You were hoping to ask me some questions about the town?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, yeah. So I am trying to document all the nuances of the different train cars. And this train car, I just got here, you know, like about a day ago to start learning about the town. I spent a lot all this morning in the saloon with Guy. He was talking about his banjo that he used to play there. And how there's two sheriffs, one on the wet side of town and one on the dry side, I think. I'm not sure. And, you know, this is why I came to talk to you, because I'm not really sure what's going on. And I met Samuel at the saloon, and he said that he fixed your pipe this morning, which I guess is why this side of town was wet. I'm, you know, don't, I want to hear it from you. What's going on in this town?

THE DRIVER
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot going on. I was telling Samuel this morning.

THE DRIVER
Rob Fortin, the FCC sheriff, came in, broke my record player, threw it against the wall, caused this big pipe to burst, and you look all over town and there's leaks now. Half the houses in town have water leaks or something else going on. Man, it's a real mess. We don't know what's going on. I think all we want is you know i miss the music i miss the banjos i miss my record player and we just really hope someone would resolve this this two two sheriff two sheriff situation that's right and that that's why i bought you here brought you here madeline is you know i heard about the two sheriff situation and i thought that maybe maybe someone could do something

THE DRIVER
miss the music i miss the banjos i miss my record player and we just really hope someone would resolve this this two two sheriff two sheriff situation that's

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
right and that that's why i bought you here brought you here madeline is you know i heard about the two sheriff situation and i thought that maybe maybe someone could do something about it and you just seem you seem really competent and like you have sort of a wisdom and maturity that you could lend to the task oh i'm not that mature i'm just like you guys you know but you know i i have seen a lot of train cars so i do have some experience that i've gathered from others i guess the one the one thing that's

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
i'm not that mature i'm just like you guys you know but you know i i have seen a lot of train cars so i do have some experience that i've gathered from others i guess the one the one thing that's immediately sticking in my mind right now is this Rob guy you know seems like he's taken some banjos but then also started leaks which when I was talking to Guy earlier he said the banjos sound really good because of the dry air so if he's making the town wet

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
he's taken some banjos but then also started leaks which

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I was talking to Guy earlier he said the banjos sound really good because of the dry air so if he's making the town wet Then, you know, even if there was a banjo around, which I don't know if you know where one is per chance, but that's besides the point right now. There was one around. The wet air wouldn't really be good for the sound.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Guy, he's really good at playing banjo. So maybe it wouldn't even matter if he had his old banjo in his hands. You know what I'm saying?

THE DRIVER
I'm going to say in this conversation, if you want to use another move against Scarlet,

SPEAKER_01
going to say

THE DRIVER
against Scarlet Rags.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah, I'm trying to think of what... If you want to do any sort of move in this conversation with Scarlet,

THE DRIVER
want to do any sort of move in this conversation with Scarlet, you're welcome to.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. Samuel, how do you feel about this conundrum of Rob both stealing instruments and making the town wet? essentially pacifying the sweet banjo tones that can occur in this dry train car.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I think that Scarlett said something that I feel like rings a bell, but I wanted to ask more about that, if that's okay. Scarlett, do you mind if I ask you a question? Please. You mentioned that Rob Fortin... was affiliated with the FCC, and that kind of rings a bell. I mean, I could probably look it up in the choo -choo, but could you explain what you meant by that?

THE DRIVER
You don't know who the FCC is? Like I said, it rings a bell, but... Listen,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I said, it rings a bell,

THE DRIVER
let me explain. Let's say...

THE DRIVER
yeah okay i'll just i'll yeah this this will be like common knowledge show up so this doesn't have to be this won't be a move but she says the fcc is the the it's all right scarlet you can tell us we won't we won't share we we don't need anyone else to know it's the federation of

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
all right scarlet you can tell us we won't we won't share we we don't need anyone else to know it's

THE DRIVER
the federation of

THE DRIVER
Conspiring Conductors. It's the Federation of Conspiring Conductors. It's the organization that exists. Their whole thing is they're trying to impose order on this train. I don't know if you've seen Ironhide, but I don't know one person in this town that's going to let order be imposed on them. All I know is the FCC comes from another train car. Right. And they send this Rob Fortin man. And next thing I know, banjos are going missing. Leaks start happening. I mean, he comes in and breaks my wall, right? I don't listen. The FCC, normally we don't deal with them too much. But they've gone too far trying to interrupt our own law process by sending in their own sheriff to impose order.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Wow. That's shocking. Yeah. It's sinister as well. I don't... I mean, losing the music is bad, but to think that this might be part of some larger sort of movement of... I don't know a word to use other than evil? That's just scary, Scarlet. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this right now, and I'm glad that you have Thistle by your side to protect you. Madeline, I don't... What can we do?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
I mean, it's clearly not just you, Scarlett. Like, you must have a friend or someone who's also, you know, on your side, shares your grievances. Is there anywhere else you think we should go in town or anyone we should talk to? Well,

THE DRIVER
you know, listen, I don't like that Rob Ford man. He's done a number to me and mine. And frankly, i think you know she's like she's like obviously this like whole conversation ever since you guys have like walked in and and and chud manger was there she's like obviously kind of stressed she's like not she's not like sweating but she's like obviously like a little flushed i'm not trying to extend her stay that's for sure i don't i have already broken the door twice she she's like she's like listen i

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
not trying to extend her stay that's for sure i

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
don't i have already broken the door twice she

THE DRIVER
she's like she's like listen i

THE DRIVER
I don't like that Rob Fortin man, but I would say I don't really want to get into it. But if you want to talk to some other people that also have grievances with him, you might go down to the rail yard. There's a lot of people there working on that train station that, you know,

THE DRIVER
know, I've heard a lot of grumblings around town in the saloon. that a lot of those union workers are not happy.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay. Okay. And which way is the rail yard again? So like go out the door down the main road or like take a right before you hit the main road? Would that be on the dusty side or the wet side of the main road?

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
main road? Would that be on the dusty side or the wet side of the main road?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Yeah. And I guess like, is there anywhere else in town you recommend to get a meal besides beans?

THE DRIVER
The rail yard is on the wet side of town. So I'd say leave my house, go back up to the main road, walk east for a while.

THE DRIVER
a while. It's flat out here, you guys. You'll see it. We'll follow the puddle,

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
We'll follow the puddle, okay? We'll follow the puddle. Got it. Okay. And then, but on the anything but beans side of things.

THE DRIVER
If you folks are looking for another meal, yeah, the saloon, you know, they do their beans. You know, it's only Sally Whistle that works there, right? A one -woman show trying to run that whole saloon, doing front of house, back of house. It's tough. It's really tough. I can see why she went to the one bean menu. If you guys are looking for more food, you can head down to the dry cantaloupe.

THE DRIVER
cantaloupe. The what? The dry cantaloupe. It's only the best restaurant in town. Have you not been?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
No, okay.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Scarlett, what do you eat at the Dry Cantaloupe? Just so we don't look silly when we go. We know what to order.

SPEAKER_02
what to order. What's the order? Yeah,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Yeah, because I kind of had some issues ordering at the saloon that I wasn't expecting. I've never really had a problem ordering at a restaurant before.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, I would get, if you're going to go to the Dry Cantaloupe, I would say when you get there, you should order a... Order a pie.

THE DRIVER
a pie. A pie? Order an afternoon special pie, is what they call it, and get a side of fingers.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Okay. Okay, yes, got it. Okay, Madeline, do you want to write that down, or you got it?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Pride inside of what?

THE DRIVER
An afternoon special pie and a sack of fingers.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
fingers. Fingers. Okay.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Okay. Got it. Got it. Well, thank you. It was so nice meeting you and Tristle.

SPEAKER_02
You mean my daughter Thistle?

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
my daughter Thistle? Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Thistle.

THE DRIVER
The one that's slobbered all over your face right now.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
one that's slobbered

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
yeah i'm he's great he's great this is the most loving i've gotten in a while so this whole time has has just been all over you guys like you're you're like kind of damp just because of how much slobber this dog has gotten all over you or not damp but you've got like slobber spots on you yeah but we don't want to overstay our welcome but it was so nice chatting with you truly the locals in this train car

THE DRIVER
this whole time has has just been all over you guys like you're you're like kind of damp just because of how much slobber this dog has gotten all over you or not damp but you've got like slobber spots on you yeah

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
but we don't want to overstay our welcome but it was so nice chatting with you truly the locals in this train car The best of the best. And I really loved our chat. I hope to see you around.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, well, thank you for being so kind. I'm sorry about my friend, Chud. I hope you find what you're looking for.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
It was a pleasure to meet Chud Manger, the Danger Ranger. That was a unique experience. Thank you so much, Scarlett. And if we're leaving, I'd like to make sure that I'm walking. behind Madeline as we exit so that I can try to very gently close the door without it being obvious.

THE DRIVER
Give me a... I was thinking to use a trick.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
was thinking to use a trick.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, give me a trick roll.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
Okay, come on dice, be good to me. I rolled a 7 and I have proficiency in trick and I...

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
I have no bonus to my resolve. So my proficiency means that I have a straight roll, right? I just have no negatives? Correct, yeah. Okay, so I rolled a 7 for my chunk to try to have the door not seem that it's broken as we leave,

THE DRIVER
yeah.

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
my chunk to try to have the door not seem that it's broken as we leave, having broken it twice.

THE DRIVER
Yeah, you close the door gently enough that Scarlet doesn't notice anything.

THE DRIVER
but the, but it's like, it's like not, it's like, like it's not fully closed. Like you didn't actually close the door. It's like still open. So instead of looking like, instead of appearing to Scarlet as if you didn't fix the door, it looks like you were just a rude guest and didn't fully close the door.

SPEAKER_02
I really love the dog sneak out.

THE DRIVER
Oh no. And so I'm going to say we should take a break there and cut back to music. And when we come back, we'll continue the story. Yeah.

MADELINE GRAYMOOR
Sounds good. Oh,

SAMUEL TRAINRIDER
yeah. This is uncharted territory here on off the rails on the airwaves right here on WUML Lowell.

SEGMENT 3

All right,

Vicki and Kyle: Everybody. It has been a good day in Ironhide. Today, we met two lovely people, Samuel Trainrider and Madeline Greymoor. Samuel is a follower of Choo Choo, a paladin of the train, if you will, someone who is very tinkery, a very well-to-do young man who had come to this town to help do some plumbing repairs, come to this train car, the train car of Iron High, a small western town nestled into the center of the city. of this train car. Alongside Madeline Graymoor, an archivist going train car to train car and collecting history and artifacts and stories, trying to discover more about the train and train cars themselves. Throughout the day they met each other, discovered heard that this town of Ironhide has two competing sheriffs, the original sheriff

Ben: , Bob Fortin

Vicki and Kyle: , and the FCC assigned sheriff, Rob Fortin. Rob Fortin has been going throughout the town destroying instruments, stealing banjos, and stopping people from enjoying music. One person that Rob got to was Guy Ivory, the music player at the saloon. He had a favorite banjo that he loved. He won't play any other banjo, and Madeline Graymore and Samuel Trainrider. tasked with trying to find his banjo so that he'll tell Madeline more about the history of the town. Guy Ivory is an older man and knows a lot about the history of the town. So that's where we leave them off. They went back to Scarlet Rags, who had the plumbing problem that Samuel Trainrider helped fix. Scarlet was there when they

Ben: Got

Vicki and Kyle: There, Samuel broke the

Ben: Door.

Vicki and Kyle: One of Rob's goons, and Chud Manger, the danger ranger, was there in Scarlet's house with her. Notably, not Chud Manger, the danger ranger. not someone that this old Scarlet's dog really seemed to like. Scarlet was very stressed out and sort of nervous. Judd Danger Ranger basically accosted Madeline Graymoor and then stormed out breaking the door again and left Scarlet's house, and Scarlet suggested that if Madeline Graymoor wanted... more information about Roy Fortin and leads on where to find this banjo that she goes to the rail yard where a lot of union workers have been disgruntled by Rob Fortin as well. Yeah also there's potentially a restaurant that doesn't just sell beans so we're living large. That will definitely be a

Ben: Explored. I just, I just want to acknowledge how incredible it is that we're on a train, in a train car, and inside the train, there's a rail yard with union workers building, presumably

Vicki and Kyle: Building trains inside the train. Yeah, I was thinking that, but I was... was like, whatever, I'm quite literally along for the

Ben: Ride. My

Vicki and Kyle: Gosh

Ben: , I'm so I'm so hooked. I'm so invested on what happens next. I can't wait to meet these characters, and the rest of this town, where everything seems to be southern and involved beans.

Vicki and Kyle: Yeah, I would just like to say thank you Kyle for being our dungeon

Ben: Master

Vicki and Kyle: Train car master train master I don't know train conductor train driver engineer driver yeah this is kind of fun I like it so if it wasn't clear this is all original

Ben: Original Kyle story. This was

Vicki and Kyle: Not

Ben: , this was 100

Vicki and Kyle: %

Ben: Brand new for this. We're

Vicki and Kyle: Excited to bring it to you. Yeah, this plot, these characters, they're not high enough quality for anyone to pay money for. This was all free labor. They're not. So, but there's more to find. There's learn I wrote too much backstory for the town so it's good because Madeline's trying

Ben: to uncover it. Yes and there's gonna be a lot of off-the-rails Easter eggs there's gonna be some tie-ins from other other collaborators potentially some of our sponsors there's there's a there's a lot that's about to in Ironhide

Vicki and Kyle: . If you want to become one of our sponsors, you can head to off the rails radio.org. You know, and as always, this, this station, this show is brought to you by Haku Industries, sticking the world together since 1952. So That's right

Ben: , and if you head to our website, don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter to stay up to date on all the latest happenings in the train, where they make trains inside the train, of the train, and there's all, it's all very dusty and half of it is wet.

Vicki and Kyle: Oh, why, oh why? Truly

Ben: Fantastic, and see what the terrifying federation of conspiring conductors will get up to, probably in our next episode. In the meantime, I guess we'll kick it back to some tunage. This, as always, is Off the Rails, On the Airwaves, coming to you from the U.S. to you pretty much live here on 91.5 FM WML Lowell. Stay tuned, we'll be back next week and thanks so much for listening.